Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
