is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
