i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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