I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
