Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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