Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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