can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
