i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
