i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
