it hurts more in the daytime
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
