please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
