I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
