This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
