There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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