Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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