I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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