I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
