She is in my trunk
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
