12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
