haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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