The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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