Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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