i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
