I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
