I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I'm really busy with my period
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