You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
