I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
