listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
