I wish you could order shots online.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
