drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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