i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
