the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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