My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
and she was petting her beer can
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
