My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
