the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
