the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
