Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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