He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
