somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
