he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
