I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
