I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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