i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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