I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
