What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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