If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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