Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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