the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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