I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
