You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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